April Fool’s Day 2008

Written for April Fool’s Day 2008 (a leap year)

Global Warming leaves no fools in April

Scientists at Yale University released a statement this week that there will be no April 1st this year. This is due to the alarming fact that the extra day in February this year was in fact superfluous and therefore another day has been removed in order to compensate.

While studying the full effects of global warming, the scientists at Yale’s Biochemical and Environmental Sciences lab made the discovery that the Earth’s core temperature has risen by 0.7ºC in the last four years. This may not seem like much, but the extra heat and energy being produced has caused increased acceleration in the Earth’s orbit of the Sun. As such, the Earth year is no longer 365.25 days but currently stands at 365 days exactly.

Scientists now fear that any further increase in the planet’s core temperature may cause greater acceleration and may even cause the Earth to propel itself out of the Sun’s orbit entirely.

Dr Barry O’Gussly, spokesperson for Yale University, had this to say on the matter:

“This is an exceedingly alarming truth that has come to light. While the full extent of the long term effects of this discovery have not yet been fully explored, it is my firm opinion that by controlling further escalation in global warming, the planet’s core temperature can be regulated and ultimately prevented from rising further.”

When asked why April 1st was chosen as the day to be dropped from the calendar, Dr O’Gussly stated:

“There was much debate on the matter and, while the removal is not permanent as there will be no further need for a day designated February 29th, the decision came down to two plausible dates: April 1st and March 1st. The final selection was made by the Dean of Yale University, whose birthday falls on March 1st and who has very little sense of humour. The opportunity to remove the excuse for students to play practical jokes appealed to him greatly.”

Further updates on this breaking news will be made as they become available.

Copyright © Rachael Farrimond 2016


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